This is going to be one of those posts that the other Nicklebee bloggers will run screaming from so if you hear screams coming from the direction of the Nicklebees, that’s what that’s all about.

A little background: A couple of my posts get consistently substantially more hits than almost all of the rest of the blog. Those posts are about death. I don’t know why it surprises me but it does. I guess I think people have other things they’d rather read about than death.

Not long ago, I came across my new friend Bill’s blog, Dying Man’s Journal. Recently he has addressed the topic of talking about death with those who are dying. It is difficult to go visit people who are dying. Nobody likes to talk about death for various reasons. Talking to kids about death can be a tough thing but I would like to share how we handled a situation with one of our kids for whatever it’s worth. We don’t beat around the bush but we don’t beat them over the head with it either.

Part of the difficulty in discussing death might be how we address it before we get to the point of death being imminent. We have to get over the hump of realizing 1 out of every 1 person eventually dies.

I was listening to a speaker, Ken Ham, and he spoke of the 9/11 tragedy and specifically the WTC. Someone came up to him and said, “I’m glad I wasn’t in the World Trade Center. I would’ve died!” Without missing a beat, Mr. Ham said, “Oh don’t worry. You’re time’s coming.”

None of us is guaranteed another breath. Ya know? If we could just face the fact that everyone is going to die and no one knows when and consider each other with an appreciation for every moment we have and that we have with others, it would go a long way and without the regrets we all often have when we find out someone is dying or has died.

Kids are profoundly affected by thoughts of death, too. My little son was having a very difficult time for reasons unknown to me until months later. He wouldn’t go to Sunday school without bawling his head off. He didn’t want to go to the Wednesday night program at church that he loved so much. He didn’t want to go to bed at night, or if he did, he didn’t want to sleep in his bed, he wanted to sleep with Mom and Dad or one of the big kids. Finally, one night I said to him, “As-yet-unnamed-Nicklebee-unBlogger, you need to sleep in your own bed. Why is that a problem?” I wasn’ t harsh, just matter of fact.

His chin started quivering and his face crumpled up as he looked away from me. I had a glimmer of wisdom at that moment that could only have come from God. I said, “As-yet-unnamed-Nicklebee-unBlogger, would it be easier if you whispered what’s bothering you into my ear?” He said yes so I pulled him onto my lap, put my cheek up against his and asked him what was making him so sad. He mumbled something I couldn’t begin to understand. I asked him to say it again and say it more clearly so I could hear and help him. He finally said, “I don’t like to go to bed by myself because then I think about when I grow up and you might die.”

At that point, he started sobbing. I sat there with him on my lap and let him cry for a while, handed him tissues periodically, and hugged him. I don’t think a child deserves to be told things that are patently false, and as Christian I won’t, such as, “Don’t worry, honey, I’m not going to die.” As I said before, no one has any guarantees. I had just had major surgery and felt like I was going to die for a while there.

When my little boy calmed down some, I said, “A-y-u-N-uB, I don’t plan on dying any time soon but the fact is that I can’t tell you I’m not going to die. Everyone dies at some time and God does not promise us that we will all live long lives. I can tell you that if I did die, which I don’t plan on doing, there is a way that you can see me again after you’ve lived out your whole life. Do you know what that way is?” That gave us an opportunity to talk about believing in Jesus and the impact that has. I also said, “Honey, even if I were to die while you’re still little, which I don’t plan on doing,” see a pattern here? “God has given you a Daddy to take care of you and comfort you and He has given you Grandpas and Grandmas and Aunts to help you and comfort you. If something happens to me, He will place people in your path to help you through it. He cares about us. He doesn’t plop us down onto the earth and say, ‘okay, there ya go. you’re on your own.’ You can trust Him and not be afraid.” And finally, I said, “Honey, it is important that you not allow yourself to worry about this all the time. I’m glad you told me this so now I can help you not to be afraid but I also want you to know that you can talk to God about this at any time and He will help you.”

I sat there with him and we prayed together and then I just let him cry. I think part of it was the release of months of worry about that surgery killing me. Another part was maybe a little bit of sadness and fear because there are some things that are out of our hands and are uncertain. He did eventually calm down. He even went to his own bed and fell asleep soon after.

The whole point of that is to say that we can and should talk about death with people, even if they’re the ones dying. My son was afraid to say anything to me about my own death but in the end, he was the one who needed the comfort.

Editing this to add links to my friend’s Lyn’s blog which I think might be helpful to people who seem to gravitate more toward this post and three others than anything else on this blog by far:

House of Mourning

There’s more where that came from in Lyn’s “Family Matters category.